Bring your Questions and allow Teddy to provide his rather Personal views on Relationships and life in general.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
In Need of Self Confidence(Anonymous)
I am very fat, what you consider overweight. I am in my early thirties and feel as though I missing the boat. I feel very unatractive and down and out. What should I Do to boost my self confidence.
6 comments:
Anonymous
said...
I believe that you are as beautiful as you choose to be. Don't let anyone, or even yourself determine tell you that you have to be a certain weight in order to be atractive. Just take care of yourself (Hair, nails, skin, teeth...) and love you for you. If you want to loose weight power to you! But don't let your weight determine how sexy you feel. Always look your best no matter your size.
What makes you think that because you're big there is something wrong. Had a friend visiting from Canada and she is big. Every night we went out the men were swarming to her like bees to honey. A few did approach me but only to ask me to put in a word with her for them. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Love yourself and like that other person said that includes taking care of yourself. If you choose to lose weight do it for YOU and no other reason. Always remember not to frown , someone may be falling in love with your smile.
I have a routine that i use every day i wake up and look at my self in the mirror and tell my self i'm sexy . That helps to build my confidence to face every day and also walk with your head high and a smile to greet everyday . There are men who love + size women but do the other things for your well being and you will feel better about yourself.
I think you should do whatver it takes to boost your self-confidence. Where that involves excercise, the love of yourself, or just being able to accept what you can and cannot change.
I'm really sorry to hear you feel this way and as one poster said it's all about taking care of yourself. Society makes us believe that plus size women are unattractive and some men are that shallow also. Anything you can do to boost yourself confidence and make you feel happy go for it. Be brave and do things just for you. The outside cosmetic things only last for a while to boost but they do alot and are a quick fix. {speaking from experience} but at the same time working on the inner you and becoming comfortable in your own skin helps a mil. I can tell you what worked for me... Initially I felt down and out and no where near sexy. I then had the experience of meeting a guy who would highlight things I had forgetten about myself like my eyes etc. I was shocked that someone found me beautiful it was a quick boost and i took a little more care preparing myself for the publics eye. Thats the quick fix and it lasted a short while then I decided to work on the inner me, I wrote down things I liked about myself, achievements and any compliments I might have received and read them regularly till I didn't need to anymore. It was hard in the beginning to find things i liked about myself but I did it over a period of time. I started doing things I used to enjoy before - beach- movies - even if I had do it alone. That was my most major boost of confidence going to a public place ALONE!!. Hope my experience helps you in some way.
I have a saying "People tend treat you in the same manner you see and treat yourself".
For others to find you attractive you must first accept yourself as being attractive. Self confidence begins at home. You will first need to evaluate your present attitude towards yourself. How do you view yourself as an individual, which areas do you believe you can improve in order to be more comfortable. But essentially, you must be able to be “comfortable in your own skin”. Before you begin your journey you need a starting point, from where you plan not to return, but to move away from.
Some of us depend on input from others to determine our state of happiness, but happiness begins within you. You do not need anyone to make you happy, but rather make yourself happy, do things that will bring you joy, and others will see your happiness and will be drawn to you. Let’s look at ways of doing this.
You can start by focusing on what you have achieved in life. When you reflect back on life, you will be sure to notice where you came from and how much you have achieved to be where you are today. It doesn’t matter how small these achievements may be, but make a list of them and remember what they meant to you when you achieved them. By focusing on the positives of your life, this should assist in building your confidence.
Next you should outline future goals. What are the things that you would like out of life, regardless of the fact that you may have thought that they were out of your reach. Make another list of the things you want out of life, the things you would like to change about your life, and then start working on achieving those things on the list.
Now you look at what you like about yourself. Since you have low self confidence, chances are your life/thoughts will reflect that. In order to remedy this, you need to try a different outlook on life. Make a list. Ask yourself, find out from your family and friends what they like is about you. Then make a list of all the negative things about yourself. Then compare the list. Don’t the positives out weight the negatives?
On to some even more practical tips: Improve the way you dress. By dressing up you not only feel better about yourself, but people will also treat you differently.
Pay attention to the details, such as your hairstyle, your nails, your teeth etc
Smile. It is so simple but most persons forget to smile. A smile lights up your face, making your look more friendly, and approachable.
Challenge yourself in the areas that scare you. If you are low in self confidence probably you have the jitters standing in front of a class to do presentations. Try speaking in front of your friends first then try larger crowds. Remember, most speakers practice their speeches many times before the actual presentation, so practice.
If you are not comfortable with your present physical weight, you should consider some form of trainer assisted fitness program.
You can also try this free self confidence course at the below address
6 comments:
I believe that you are as beautiful as you choose to be. Don't let anyone, or even yourself determine tell you that you have to be a certain weight in order to be atractive. Just take care of yourself (Hair, nails, skin, teeth...) and love you for you. If you want to loose weight power to you! But don't let your weight determine how sexy you feel. Always look your best no matter your size.
What makes you think that because you're big there is something wrong. Had a friend visiting from Canada and she is big. Every night we went out the men were swarming to her like bees to honey. A few did approach me but only to ask me to put in a word with her for them. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Love yourself and like that other person said that includes taking care of yourself. If you choose to lose weight do it for YOU and no other reason. Always remember not to frown , someone may be falling in love with your smile.
I have a routine that i use every day i wake up and look at my self in the mirror and tell my self i'm sexy . That helps to build my confidence to face every day and also walk with your head high and a smile to greet everyday . There are men who love + size women but do the other things for your well being and you will feel better about yourself.
I think you should do whatver it takes to boost your self-confidence. Where that involves excercise, the love of yourself, or just being able to accept what you can and cannot change.
I'm really sorry to hear you feel this way and as one poster said it's all about taking care of yourself. Society makes us believe that plus size women are unattractive and some men are that shallow also. Anything you can do to boost yourself confidence and make you feel happy go for it. Be brave and do things just for you. The outside cosmetic things only last for a while to boost but they do alot and are a quick fix. {speaking from experience} but at the same time working on the inner you and becoming comfortable in your own skin helps a mil. I can tell you what worked for me... Initially I felt down and out and no where near sexy. I then had the experience of meeting a guy who would highlight things I had forgetten about myself like my eyes etc. I was shocked that someone found me beautiful it was a quick boost and i took a little more care preparing myself for the publics eye. Thats the quick fix and it lasted a short while then I decided to work on the inner me, I wrote down things I liked about myself, achievements and any compliments I might have received and read them regularly till I didn't need to anymore. It was hard in the beginning to find things i liked about myself but I did it over a period of time. I started doing things I used to enjoy before - beach- movies - even if I had do it alone. That was my most major boost of confidence going to a public place ALONE!!. Hope my experience helps you in some way.
I have a saying "People tend treat you in the same manner you see and treat yourself".
For others to find you attractive you must first accept yourself as being attractive. Self confidence begins at home. You will first need to evaluate your present attitude towards yourself. How do you view yourself as an individual, which areas do you believe you can improve in order to be more comfortable. But essentially, you must be able to be “comfortable in your own skin”. Before you begin your journey you need a starting point, from where you plan not to return, but to move away from.
Some of us depend on input from others to determine our state of happiness, but happiness begins within you. You do not need anyone to make you happy, but rather make yourself happy, do things that will bring you joy, and others will see your happiness and will be drawn to you. Let’s look at ways of doing this.
You can start by focusing on what you have achieved in life. When you reflect back on life, you will be sure to notice where you came from and how much you have achieved to be where you are today. It doesn’t matter how small these achievements may be, but make a list of them and remember what they meant to you when you achieved them. By focusing on the positives of your life, this should assist in building your confidence.
Next you should outline future goals. What are the things that you would like out of life, regardless of the fact that you may have thought that they were out of your reach. Make another list of the things you want out of life, the things you would like to change about your life, and then start working on achieving those things on the list.
Now you look at what you like about yourself. Since you have low self confidence, chances are your life/thoughts will reflect that. In order to remedy this, you need to try a different outlook on life. Make a list. Ask yourself, find out from your family and friends what they like is about you. Then make a list of all the negative things about yourself. Then compare the list. Don’t the positives out weight the negatives?
On to some even more practical tips:
Improve the way you dress. By dressing up you not only feel better about yourself, but people will also treat you differently.
Pay attention to the
details, such as your hairstyle, your nails, your teeth etc
Smile. It is so simple but most persons forget to smile. A smile lights up your face, making your look more friendly, and approachable.
Challenge yourself in the areas that scare you. If you are low in self confidence probably you have the jitters standing in front of a class to do presentations. Try speaking in front of your friends first then try larger crowds. Remember, most speakers practice their speeches many times before the actual presentation, so practice.
If you are not comfortable with your present physical weight, you should consider some form of trainer assisted fitness program.
You can also try this free self confidence course at the below address
http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/index.html
Good luck
Teddy
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